i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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