She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
