I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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