Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
