I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
