I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize