I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
