im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
