You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
