I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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