have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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