i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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