help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
