forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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