i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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