Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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