Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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