My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
