Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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