Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
