I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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