everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
