WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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