i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
