Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize