Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
