I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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