I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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