Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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