I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
