Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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