And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
