He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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