too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
