I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
