apparently the secret to your success is patron
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize