did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Welp...herpes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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