good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
