Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize