Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
