I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just gargled with NyQuil
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
