the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
