Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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