I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
