Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
