I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
