im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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