Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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