is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
