$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
