you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
