peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
