I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sobbing to NWA
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
