I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
