I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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