dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
