what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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