I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
