I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
