Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
