I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
