I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize