That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
