I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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