I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
